Escalators make me want to:
1) check and tie my shoe-laces
2) kick the emergency stop button
3) cup the curvature of people’s buttocks
4) polish my shoes with the brushes on the edge
5) turn around and stare down whoever is behind me
6) hug the waist of the person in front and listen to her gastric gurgles
7) grip the handrail hard and laugh as I pull everyone’s hands backward
It’s just mind-blowing how many things I have to stop myself from doing every day.
One day, one of these things is going to escape its restraints and I’m going to get in big trouble.